On Elephants – Patterns – and Pointing out the Obvious to the Oblivious

Naming the Elephant: Spotting Patterns

The ability to name the elephant in the room stems from an ability (and willingness!) to see the obvious. And that ability is closely linked to our ability to see patterns.

Like, until a few years ago, we all used to gather on Thursdays to eat at my dad’s place. And, invariably, my brother and father would be at loggerheads before the food was served.

My dad would slam the pots down on the table, and my brother would heave a frustrated sigh before looking at our respective teenage sons with a knowing look, because, ‘the old man’…

It was always clear when the argument would ensue because it always followed the same pattern. Now, arguably, my dad said ‘stupid things’. But then, he was always one sandwich short of a picnic – so one might have just shrugged it off. But my brother always took the bait.

In fact, much of the time I sensed he was setting my dad up, so that he could take the bait. It was obvious to me that he -knowingly or unknowingly- tricked my dad into saying stupid things in the first place. My dad is nothing if not a marionette.

Of course, not being given to introspection, and not being particularly self-aware, my father, once the outburst was over, would simply move on. And he’d have forgotten the whole thing five minutes later.

But I hadn’t. My entire system would be raw. I put up with it for years. And then I stopped going.

The funny thing is, though: apart from my son – also a triune -, no one else was aware of the routine nature of those arguments. And when I told my dad my reason for not coming anymore, (”It’s just too friggin’ uncomfortable! You’re always fighting!”) he had no idea what I was talking about.

Yeah.

Spotting Patterns: Predictions

Now, if you’re in the habit of spotting patterns, you can also predict things.
It’s not really that hard.
Like, “This Thursday my dad and brother will fight over dinner.”

Of course, that’s not a prediction, that’s a fact of life.
To me.
But not to my dad, who has still not noticed.

Now, us triunes, HSP-empaths who bring everything you could possibly want for your picnic, and the umbrella, we spot patterns from the onset.

And so when something happens the second time, we think: “Hey, the same thing happened last time.”
And when it happens again the next time, we see confirmation of a potential pattern.

By the fourth time, when others still haven’t noticed a re-occurrence, we’ve already spotted and confirmed that this is, in fact, a pattern.

And before anyone else is aware of it even being a recurring thing, we can name the event that’s about to take place.

We’ve been doing that for centuries: spelling out the obvious to the oblivious. 

No wonder they thought we were witches!

Dani 💕

P.S. When you see patterns, you can also unwittingly lock people in. More on that in the next ‘Story Time’, when I’ll tell you about 17-yo Adam and ‘the girl who only kissed once’.

Missed the previous episode of Story Time? Here it is.

On Elephants – Patterns – and Pointing out the Obvious to the Oblivious

Naming the Elephant: Spotting Patterns

The ability to name the elephant in the room stems from an ability (and willingness!) to see the obvious. And that ability is closely linked to our ability to see patterns.

Like, until a few years ago, we all used to gather on Thursdays to eat at my dad’s place. And, invariably, my brother and father would be at loggerheads before the food was served.

My dad would slam the pots down on the table, and my brother would heave a frustrated sigh before looking at our respective teenage sons with a knowing look, because, ‘the old man’…

It was always clear when the argument would ensue because it always followed the same pattern. Now, arguably, my dad said ‘stupid things’. But then, he was always one sandwich short of a picnic – so one might have just shrugged it off. But my brother always took the bait.

In fact, much of the time I sensed he was setting my dad up, so that he could take the bait. It was obvious to me that he -knowingly or unknowingly- tricked my dad into saying stupid things in the first place. My dad is nothing if not a marionette.

Of course, not being given to introspection, and not being particularly self-aware, my father, once the outburst was over, would simply move on. And he’d have forgotten the whole thing five minutes later.

But I hadn’t. My entire system would be raw. I put up with it for years. And then I stopped going.

The funny thing is, though: apart from my son – also a triune -, no one else was aware of the routine nature of those arguments. And when I told my dad my reason for not coming anymore, (”It’s just too friggin’ uncomfortable! You’re always fighting!”) he had no idea what I was talking about.

Yeah.

Spotting Patterns: Predictions

Now, if you’re in the habit of spotting patterns, you can also predict things.
It’s not really that hard.
Like, “This Thursday my dad and brother will fight over dinner.”

Of course, that’s not a prediction, that’s a fact of life.
To me.
But not to my dad, who has still not noticed.

Now, us triunes, HSP-empaths who bring everything you could possibly want for your picnic, and the umbrella, we spot patterns from the onset.

And so when something happens the second time, we think: “Hey, the same thing happened last time.”
And when it happens again the next time, we see confirmation of a potential pattern.

By the fourth time, when others still haven’t noticed a re-occurrence, we’ve already spotted and confirmed that this is, in fact, a pattern.

And before anyone else is aware of it even being a recurring thing, we can name the event that’s about to take place.

We’ve been doing that for centuries: spelling out the obvious to the oblivious. 

No wonder they thought we were witches!

Dani 💕

P.S. When you see patterns, you can also unwittingly lock people in. More on that in the next ‘Story Time’, when I’ll tell you about 17-yo Adam and ‘the girl who only kissed once’.

Missed the previous episode of Story Time? Here it is.