Hey! Let’s unplug – and let me share some stuff about the path I walk that doesn’t normally come up in conversation.

Dani Unplugged

In a previous lifetime I studied Business Management in The Hague, and I spent a number of years working in a hotel in London. After that I had a retail store in a tiny village in the South of Spain. Then, in the year of my thirtieth birthday, my life went to pieces, and after a year or so this life began. Slowly, very slowly.

Now I’m a Triune. And a Dream Weaver – and when people ask me: “What is it you do?” I don’t always have a clear cut answer.

I believe in accountability, in giving things my best shot, and I hold my thoughts and beliefs up against the light at every opportunity.

And I walk my talk.

To walk your talk, however, you need to know who you are and what you hold true.

The Reflection Problem

However, being able to know and embrace who you are, requires seeing yourself reflected in the outside world.

And for spiritual HSP-Empaths this doesn’t typically happen.

For Triunes even less.

A Triune is a highly sensitive and empathic person; a deep thinker who is spiritually open, and who is equally informed by all of her awareness levels.

Wonderful, right?

We must be so empowered!

Surely we have our lives totally on track!

After all, how can we not?

Yay us, right?

Right??

Meh…

Cos here’s the thing: most empaths have deep wounds. And wounded empaths invariably give their power away.

I know I did.  All. the. time.

Sensing everyone’s needs so clearly, I spent my time cleaning up after them – and my own dreams kept being pushed to the end of the queue.

Even worse: because I can nearly always see why people are in the mess they are in, I would actively try to fend things off on their behalf.
I could just see the accidents waiting to happen and I thought it was my duty to prevent them.

Hey! Let’s unplug – and let me share some stuff about the path I walk that doesn’t normally come up in conversation.

Dani Unplugged

In a previous lifetime I studied Business Management in The Hague, and I spent a number of years working in a hotel in London. After that I had a retail store in a tiny village in the South of Spain. Then, in the year of my thirtieth birthday, my life went to pieces, and after a year or so this life began. Slowly, very slowly.

Now I’m a Triune. And a Dream Weaver – and when people ask me: “What is it you do?” I don’t always have a clear cut answer.

I believe in accountability, in giving things my best shot, and I hold my thoughts and beliefs up against the light at every opportunity.

And I walk my talk.

To walk your talk, however, you need to know who you are and what you hold true.

The Reflection Problem

However, being able to know and embrace who you are, requires seeing yourself reflected in the outside world.

And for spiritual HSP-Empaths this doesn’t typically happen.

For Triunes even less.

A Triune is a highly sensitive and empathic person; a deep thinker who is spiritually open, and who is equally informed by all of her awareness levels.

Wonderful, right?

We must be so empowered!

Surely we have our lives totally on track!

After all, how can we not?

Yay us, right?

Right??

Meh…

Cos here’s the thing: most empaths have deep wounds. And wounded empaths invariably give their power away.

I know I did.  All. the. time.

Sensing everyone’s needs so clearly, I spent my time cleaning up after them – and my own dreams kept being pushed to the end of the queue.

Even worse: because I can nearly always see why people are in the mess they are in, I would actively try to fend things off on their behalf.
I could just see the accidents waiting to happen and I thought it was my duty to prevent them.

You can’t learn someone’s lesson for them

It takes time to learn you can’t learn someone’s lesson for them…
And until I did, I was focused on their needs, rather than my own.

I didn’t really feel I had a choice, because I perceived their pain as mine – because that is the plight of the wounded empath. Their discomfort was my discomfort, and their priorities were my priorities.

I still feel the pain and the discomfort of others, and I still get triggered into wanting to solve it for them, but I now know I can’t learn anyone’s lesson for them – or even decide what that lesson is!

Facing the Wound

Things really started to change once I began to understand my wounding – which began with Irene Lyon, and her work on the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). But while her work resonated deeply, I resisted the idea that I might be traumatised.

Sure, my parents had dropped the ball, but no more than most. I was just more sensitive than others, I reminded myself, so I probably just took the hits harder.
In fact, when my mom shut down my childhood spirituality as ‘naive nonsense’, she did nothing other moms wouldn’t have done in those days, I told myself. Still, 7-yo me internalised her response – and it shut me down.

Of course, being a Triune – with three extremely engaged awareness levels – meant there were lots of ways in which a little HSP-Empath could be shut down.

And people did. Unwittingly, inadvertently – and incessantly.

Acknowledging Myself

But was I traumatised? Nooooo, of course not!

My adult and deeply loyal rational mind just wouldn’t go there.

Dysregulated, maybe – a bit. But not traumatised.

Here’s the thing, though:

You can’t heal what you’re not looking at. 

In time I gradually acknowledged that maybe, just maybe, I was more than a little dysregulated, and that the wounded part of me needed help.

After that, I began to put down the whip.

But here’s the thing: what I’m effectively saying is that, until I actually looked, I was constantly holding a whip.

Why? Because I felt I was constantly falling short. On all levels.

Once I began to regulate my ANS, I could see the incongruity of a lot of things.

First and foremost: my complete and utter lack of boundaries. I invariably put myself right in the middle of other people’s struggles – and as a result, I would often get implicated in the struggle, or even blamed for it.

The number of times I’ve put myself in the direct trajectory of ‘the accident waiting to happen’ is baffling to me in hindsight. But there you go.

And once I began putting down the whip, I could see myself in a new light – and I began to appreciate my sensitivity and my empathy; and my extreme spiritual awareness. My sense of spirituality had played a big role in my life for years, but it had also seemed to be at the root of my isolation, making me conclude that it’s hard being the psychedelic sheep of the family.

But that’s not actually true. It’s not really all that hard. All it takes is for you to own it for yourself.
Because conviction convinces.

Conviction convinces. You’ll hear me say that a lot.

But I wasn’t convinced. I didn’t own all parts of me.

And so others pushed back, trying to get me to conform. And empath-me felt their conviction and wavered all the more.

“Because, really, how can someone as bright and intelligent as you have such far-fetched ideas! Just get a real job already!”

Even when I began to appreciate my ‘extreme’ aspects, my mind said, “That’s all very well, but I’m not telling anyone about these concepts. Just because you ‘know’ how the universe works, doesn’t mean I buy that!”

Yep, my own mind said that.
It refused to accept ‘I just know‘ as ‘an adequate answer‘.

“If it’s true, maybe I can prove it,” she said. “But until then, I will not let you say things like ‘I just know’. It’s just not good enough.“

My mind actually had a valid point. And she was certainly right in refusing to talk about things she couldn’t entirely hold true: if she wasn’t convinced, we’d never convince anyone else either.

So we (my three selves and I) explored the universe from a new perspective: that of understanding. And my cognitive self got to be as geeky as she wanted: diving in – tunnelling in, even, to the point of losing sight of the exit.

Until one day she connected the dots.

“I get it now,” my cognitive self then said. “From here on in, I can see the answers to all of it. Go ahead.”

The Fundamental Importance of Dynamics

That part of the journey not only taught me how manifesting works; it also showed me the fundamental importance of dynamics – specifically, the dynamics of belief systems and relationships: they determine how your life unfolds. 

It also showed me my inner Trinity and how they interacted. I began to clearly see and understand my three selves and their needs – and I realised that:

• having three such highly engaged selves had been the root cause of my biggest struggle all those years.
• not having anyone acknowledge my struggle, not having anyone in my corner, helping me see what I was up against, had been what most set me back all those years.

Because all I got was push back – and the empath in me aligned with the conviction behind that push back.

Invisible Struggle

Over and over I tried solutions that worked for others – but which could never work for me, not even if I tried harder – because I was different.

I had no idea who I was, because no one reflected me back, and when I said, ‘I feel different’, others would say, ‘Everyone feels different!’

And this is true. Everyone is different. No one has your unique combination of thoughts, hopes, beliefs, past experiences and current expectations. Absolutely no one.

But saying ‘Everyone feels different’ is like saying ‘All lives matter’. It is true, but it misses the point. And it misses the point in a way that deepens the wound.

Every time someone says, ‘Everyone feels different’ to someone who is, demonstrably, wired differently from nearly everyone else, that atypical person goes unacknowledged.

And I’m not talking about the HSP 1 in 5; I’m talking about the extreme-HSP, Hi IQ, Hi Empath 1 in 2.000+.

And I really did feel so very different.

To the point where I felt like I was two people.

Daily Conflict

My sense of conflict was immediate and acute – every. single. day.

And nobody reflected it back to me.

In fact, when I talked about it, empath-me could feel where their thoughts were headed: ‘Hm, schizo much?’

So I learned not to talk about it.

Misunderstood Doubts

“Everybody has doubts,” they would say.

No.

The kind of doubts others had wasn’t the crippling doubt I had.

So their solutions didn’t work for me.

And even people whose job it was to hear me, didn’t hear me.

Finding my own way

So in the end I figured it out for myself. I learned to navigate specific dynamics and I began to implement the truths that I had found regarding those dynamics – and I began to see their effect on manifesting.

And over the next few years, things started to slide into place. Things began to make sense from all angles, for all parts of me.

And so the second-guessing stopped.

And the doubts fell away.

Sure, I still have doubts. All the time. But they’re no longer crippling doubts of the ‘Damned if you do, damned if you don’t’-variety.

Gradually they became ‘Blessed if you do, blessed if you don’t, just play with it.’

Needless to say, life’s a lot easier these days. But, thanks to my strong rational aspect, I was aware – all the time – of what was changing and why.

I didn’t just ‘shift – and then everything was better, just trust the process, you’ll be fine!’ – which might have worked for those other 1.999.

Analysing Everything

Instead, I kept track. I analysed and assessed:“Wtf just happened here? Why did that happen? How come ‘this’? Also, if ‘that’, then why not ‘so’?”

I stopped digging in, and I started tunnelling out, but I never stopped analysing and assessing, I just changed the energy behind it to ‘finding’ rather than ‘seeking’.

Huge difference! You can seek answers from now until eternity, but it’s finding them that matters.

And that’s what I do.

All the time.

I find answers.

Mostly to questions other people don’t seem to have. Which never ceases to amaze me.

When they do ask the question, and they find I have the answer, they are equally amazed. Like, ‘How can you know?’

And then I think: ‘Due to the underlying energetic cause and effect, most things are actually self-evident.’

Manifesting in Motion

Of course, when you can see the dynamics of cause and effect, you effectively see manifesting-as-it-happens.

Which is how I experience life.

I see the energies at work, and I see where and why the potentialities get cut off – which reveals where patterns need adjusting.

And that is where the work is.

For you, for me, for anyone: to deliberately adjust the patterns behind your manifesting.

I’m still unlearning a lifetime of conditioning, but at this point I’ve got a lot of it sussed.

And it seemed to take forever, because the path wasn’t there.

And now it is. My path is clear to me. But it includes a multitude of potentials, so it looks like a trail in a field left by the wind.
I walk it by being clear in my expectations – and by knowing what I want and walking in that direction.

And no, it doesn’t constantly work out in every detail. But I can usually see which underlying expectation needs tweaking to improve things.

The Big Question

There was one question to which the short answer kept eluding me, though.

“So what is it you do?”

There just never seemed to be a straightforward answer to that one, 😁.

But now there is.

I find answers. 

So if you have questions, make sure you reach out.
I’ll help you find yours!

Dani 💕

You can’t learn someone’s lesson for them

It takes time to learn you can’t learn someone’s lesson for them…
And until I did, I was focused on their needs, rather than my own.

I didn’t really feel I had a choice, because I perceived their pain as mine – because that is the plight of the wounded empath. Their discomfort was my discomfort, and their priorities were my priorities.

I still feel the pain and the discomfort of others, and I still get triggered into wanting to solve it for them, but I now know I can’t learn anyone’s lesson for them – or even decide what that lesson is!

Facing the Wound

Things really started to change once I began to understand my wounding – which began with Irene Lyon, and her work on the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). But while her work resonated deeply, I resisted the idea that I might be traumatised.

Sure, my parents had dropped the ball, but no more than most. I was just more sensitive than others, I reminded myself, so I probably just took the hits harder.
In fact, when my mom shut down my childhood spirituality as ‘naive nonsense’, she did nothing other moms wouldn’t have done in those days, I told myself. Still, 7-yo me internalised her response – and it shut me down.

Of course, being a Triune – with three extremely engaged awareness levels – meant there were lots of ways in which a little HSP-Empath could be shut down.

And people did. Unwittingly, inadvertently – and incessantly.

Acknowledging Myself

But was I traumatised? Nooooo, of course not!

My adult and deeply loyal rational mind just wouldn’t go there.

Dysregulated, maybe – a bit. But not traumatised.

Here’s the thing, though:

You can’t heal what you’re not looking at. 

In time I gradually acknowledged that maybe, just maybe, I was more than a little dysregulated, and that the wounded part of me needed help.

After that, I began to put down the whip.

But here’s the thing: what I’m effectively saying is that, until I actually looked, I was constantly holding a whip.

Why? Because I felt I was constantly falling short. On all levels.

Once I began to regulate my ANS, I could see the incongruity of a lot of things.

First and foremost: my complete and utter lack of boundaries. I invariably put myself right in the middle of other people’s struggles – and as a result, I would often get implicated in the struggle, or even blamed for it.

The number of times I’ve put myself in the direct trajectory of ‘the accident waiting to happen’ is baffling to me in hindsight. But there you go.

And once I began putting down the whip, I could see myself in a new light – and I began to appreciate my sensitivity and my empathy; and my extreme spiritual awareness. My sense of spirituality had played a big role in my life for years, but it had also seemed to be at the root of my isolation, making me conclude that it’s hard being the psychedelic sheep of the family.

But that’s not actually true. It’s not really all that hard. All it takes is for you to own it for yourself.
Because conviction convinces.

Conviction convinces. You’ll hear me say that a lot.

But I wasn’t convinced. I didn’t own all parts of me.

And so others pushed back, trying to get me to conform. And empath-me felt their conviction and wavered all the more.

“Because, really, how can someone as bright and intelligent as you have such far-fetched ideas! Just get a real job already!”

Even when I began to appreciate my ‘extreme’ aspects, my mind said, “That’s all very well, but I’m not telling anyone about these concepts. Just because you ‘know’ how the universe works, doesn’t mean I buy that!”

Yep, my own mind said that.
It refused to accept ‘I just know‘ as ‘an adequate answer‘.

“If it’s true, maybe I can prove it,” she said. “But until then, I will not let you say things like ‘I just know’. It’s just not good enough.“

My mind actually had a valid point. And she was certainly right in refusing to talk about things she couldn’t entirely hold true: if she wasn’t convinced, we’d never convince anyone else either.

So we (my three selves and I) explored the universe from a new perspective: that of understanding. And my cognitive self got to be as geeky as she wanted: diving in – tunnelling in, even, to the point of losing sight of the exit.

Until one day she connected the dots.

“I get it now,” my cognitive self then said. “From here on in, I can see the answers to all of it. Go ahead.”

The Fundamental Importance of Dynamics

That part of the journey not only taught me how manifesting works; it also showed me the fundamental importance of dynamics – specifically, the dynamics of belief systems and relationships: they determine how your life unfolds. 

It also showed me my inner Trinity and how they interacted. I began to clearly see and understand my three selves and their needs – and I realised that:

• having three such highly engaged selves had been the root cause of my biggest struggle all those years.
• not having anyone acknowledge my struggle, not having anyone in my corner, helping me see what I was up against, had been what most set me back all those years.

Because all I got was push back – and the empath in me aligned with the conviction behind that push back.

Invisible Struggle

Over and over I tried solutions that worked for others – but which could never work for me, not even if I tried harder – because I was different.

I had no idea who I was, because no one reflected me back, and when I said, ‘I feel different’, others would say, ‘Everyone feels different!’

And this is true. Everyone is different. No one has your unique combination of thoughts, hopes, beliefs, past experiences and current expectations. Absolutely no one.

But saying ‘Everyone feels different’ is like saying ‘All lives matter’. It is true, but it misses the point. And it misses the point in a way that deepens the wound.

Every time someone says, ‘Everyone feels different’ to someone who is, demonstrably, wired differently from nearly everyone else, that atypical person goes unacknowledged.

And I’m not talking about the HSP 1 in 5; I’m talking about the extreme-HSP, Hi IQ, Hi Empath 1 in 2.000+.

And I really did feel so very different.

To the point where I felt like I was two people.

Daily Conflict

My sense of conflict was immediate and acute – every. single. day.

And nobody reflected it back to me.

In fact, when I talked about it, empath-me could feel where their thoughts were headed: ‘Hm, schizo much?’

So I learned not to talk about it.

Misunderstood Doubts

“Everybody has doubts,” they would say.

No.

The kind of doubts others had wasn’t the crippling doubt I had.

So their solutions didn’t work for me.

And even people whose job it was to hear me, didn’t hear me.

Finding my own way

So in the end I figured it out for myself. I learned to navigate specific dynamics and I began to implement the truths that I had found regarding those dynamics – and I began to see their effect on manifesting.

And over the next few years, things started to slide into place. Things began to make sense from all angles, for all parts of me.

And so the second-guessing stopped.

And the doubts fell away.

Sure, I still have doubts. All the time. But they’re no longer crippling doubts of the ‘Damned if you do, damned if you don’t’-variety.

Gradually they became ‘Blessed if you do, blessed if you don’t, just play with it.’

Needless to say, life’s a lot easier these days. But, thanks to my strong rational aspect, I was aware – all the time – of what was changing and why.

I didn’t just ‘shift – and then everything was better, just trust the process, you’ll be fine!’ – which might have worked for those other 1.999.

Analysing Everything

Instead, I kept track. I analysed and assessed:“Wtf just happened here? Why did that happen? How come ‘this’? Also, if ‘that’, then why not ‘so’?”

I stopped digging in, and I started tunnelling out, but I never stopped analysing and assessing, I just changed the energy behind it to ‘finding’ rather than ‘seeking’.

Huge difference! You can seek answers from now until eternity, but it’s finding them that matters.

And that’s what I do.

All the time.

I find answers.

Mostly to questions other people don’t seem to have. Which never ceases to amaze me.

When they do ask the question, and they find I have the answer, they are equally amazed. Like, ‘How can you know?’

And then I think: ‘Due to the underlying energetic cause and effect, most things are actually self-evident.’

Manifesting in Motion

Of course, when you can see the dynamics of cause and effect, you effectively see manifesting-as-it-happens.

Which is how I experience life.

I see the energies at work, and I see where and why the potentialities get cut off – which reveals where patterns need adjusting.

And that is where the work is.

For you, for me, for anyone: to deliberately adjust the patterns behind your manifesting.

I’m still unlearning a lifetime of conditioning, but at this point I’ve got a lot of it sussed.

And it seemed to take forever, because the path wasn’t there.

And now it is. My path is clear to me. But it includes a multitude of potentials, so it looks like a trail in a field left by the wind.
I walk it by being clear in my expectations – and by knowing what I want and walking in that direction.

And no, it doesn’t constantly work out in every detail. But I can usually see which underlying expectation needs tweaking to improve things.

The Big Question

There was one question to which the short answer kept eluding me, though.

“So what is it you do?”

There just never seemed to be a straightforward answer to that one, 😁.

But now there is.

I find answers. 

So if you have questions, make sure you reach out.
I’ll help you find yours!

Dani 💕