Chapter 4: Pierce and the Manipulation
Pierce is a character in my imaginary novel and he showed up as quite the antagonist – sharp, confident, impossible to ignore. The character he clashed with most is Deeann – sensitive and unboundaried to a fault. She represents my sensory self, the Ku: the Heart-Body.
From Needs to Needy
When I first wrote about Pierce, in the beginning of 2024, he had just shown Deeann there’s a difference between having needs and being needy. That story, parts of which are included below, was so deeply layered that I decided to rewrite it as a series – so that the dynamics could properly land. But I must say, the last thing I expected at the time, was to discover just how manipulative I could be.
So let’s see how manipulation fits into all this.
Deeann, being so very empathic and unboundaried, is EASILY overwhelmed – and she has learned that the best way to get attention and help is by ‘letting her needs seep into the relationship’.
The one thing she hasn’t learned is to simply ask for help.
When I was a kid, I had a poster on my wall. My father brought it back from a trip, saying the girl on the poster reminded him of me. I still see her now: she was from the ‘kids with large heads’ series, dark pony-tail, shoulders slumped, expression of sadness and defeat. She was holding a flower. Not speaking English, I don’t think my dad actually understood the caption, but the post had a large print that said Be nice to me, I’ve had a hard day.
Be nice to me, I’ve had a hard day.
That energy, a sad little girl asking someone to ‘be nice cos she has had a hard day’ – that’s got to be the quickest route to trauma bonding ever.
I looked at that poster for years and the message was hardwired into me: there has to be a reason for people to be nice to you, and that reason is that ‘things are not okay, that you are not okay’.
Fun fact: Even the least sensitive person will respond to that energy. And these are the two extremes:
- Enabling: through their own trauma bonding, co-dependence or people-pleasing patterns
- Rejection: through an instinctive sense of not wanting to be sucked in.
Why? Because the energy of ‘be nice to me because I’ve had a hard day’ is highly manipulative – even dark!
Deeann was completely blind to that. But Pierce was not.
Little girls (and boys) should learn this simple truth:
“Be nice to me because I’m me! And if you can’t be nice to me, leave me alone!”
When Pierce came into Deeann’s life, that certainly wasn’t something that she felt or radiated. In fact, it went right against the grain of what I knew.
The Manipulative Nature of Visibly Struggling
Many of us who weren’t taught to ask for help don’t realise that radiating our struggles can come across as manipulative. We’re not trying to be dark or controlling – we’re just asking for support in the only way we know: see me, see my hardship, give me your compassion.
And here was Pierce saying: “Not on my watch. I don’t care if that’s where you are, but I’m not hanging around for any of that. If you want to engage with me, do it from the truth of who you are, not from some warped perception of you – which, incidentally, also warps your perception of me. I’m an amazing guy and you’re not seeing me. And if you’re not seeing me, I’m not playing. Cos that’s a boundary!”
Deep breath.
Cos that was a biggie.
Just Ask
Once we began to understand that Pierce was coming from his boundaried self it became much easier to interact with him. Through those interactions, Deeann learned to – tentatively – ask for what she needed and, after that, for what she wanted. And slowly we began to understand that there’s a huge difference between being needy and having needs.
And that was just the beginning. With his help I’ve learned to understand that, because I had this habit of radiating my struggles – which resulted in inadvertent manipulation, instead of expressing my needs clearly – I came across as needy.
The Downside of Neediness
Presenting as needy has, in the past, attracted some very strong abusive players into my life. Knowing everything about getting their own needs met, they managed to simultaneously reject every one of mine, on the grounds that ‘I was just being needy’. And I let them lock me into that, because I didn’t know the difference.
Working with Pierce has helped me see that ‘having needs’ and ‘being needy’ are, in fact, two entirely different things: you can be the victim, the survivor of foul play, and still learn to simply ask for what you need.
Presenting as ‘needy’ ultimately doesn’t serve you: It attracts enablers and antagonists – and those are not typically in the relationship for your benefit.
I’m not saying the switch is easy – but you can do it.
Having a teacher like Pierce helps: whenever I fall into ’needy’ he stops me – because he won’t be manipulated.
Go ahead, give it a try: bring your own Pierce to life.
DELIBERATE CREATION - Mini Series: "How Needy are You?"
My guides are a deliberate product of my imagination. I create them through my writing and their frequency is aligned with whatever I need to address. We converse together, characters in an imaginary novel that never ends.
These guides are tangible and real to me: I know what they look like, the sound of their voice – even their scent. They help me gain insights –especially into the dynamics of relationships, beliefs and manifesting.
Even the most antagonistic of characters in my imaginary novel is infinitely patient, letting me explore a topic until I see what previously eluded me. I control the pen, and we replay the scene – over and over – until I catch the message.
Of course, I don’t control the pen. Not really. As any writer will tell you, our characters do. That’s why we write: to find out what happens.
Writing this imaginary novel is without doubt one of my most powerful manifesting tools, because it lets me catch my thoughts from an infinite variety of different angles.
Sometimes a new character will present, and I will sit back and let it unfold. That’s what this series is about. His name is Pierce and he first appeared a few years ago, fairly antagonistically. He then retreated into the background from where he reemerged last year.
In the mini-series “How Needy are You?” I share some of the breakthrough insights Pierce brought me, on boundaries, manipulation and needs.
3. How Needy are You?
Chapter 3: Pierce and the Sliding Sense of Self
Dynamics are never straightforward, not in relationships – and not in manifesting. There is always an action that precedes even the very first action. Pierce dismissed Deeann before she was even aware of him (and why wouldn’t he?) – and just like that, a sliding sense of self began. Locked roles, fawning, resistance. And the maze continued to unfold…
2. How Needy are You?
Chapter 2: Pierce and the Fawn Response
I ended the last post by saying Pierce had no intention of wasting time on a fawning sycophant like Deeann. That’s quite the statement, given that Deeann represents my own sensory self, my heart-body. So, someone like Pierce would not waste any time on a fawning sycophant – like me? Wait, whut?
1. How Needy are You?
Chapter 1: Pierce Appears
A new character appeared in my imaginary novel – Pierce. Antagonistic, confident, and unapologetically himself. I typically use an energy like his so that I can learn to reinforce my boundaries. Since we can revisit the same situation over and over, I get a true feeling for the dynamic. I get to see what happens when I do ’this’ – and how he responds when I do ’that’.
Chapter 4: Pierce and the Manipulation
Pierce is a character in my imaginary novel and he showed up as quite the antagonist – sharp, confident, impossible to ignore. The character he clashed with most is Deeann – sensitive and unboundaried to a fault. She represents my sensory self, the Ku: the Heart-Body.
From Needs to Needy
When I first wrote about Pierce, in the beginning of 2024, he had just shown Deeann there’s a difference between having needs and being needy. That story, parts of which are included below, was so deeply layered that I decided to rewrite it as a series – so that the dynamics could properly land. But I must say, the last thing I expected at the time, was to discover just how manipulative I could be.
So let’s see how manipulation fits into all this.
Deeann, being so very empathic and unboundaried, is EASILY overwhelmed – and she has learned that the best way to get attention and help is by ‘letting her needs seep into the relationship’.
The one thing she hasn’t learned is to simply ask for help.
When I was a kid, I had a poster on my wall. My father brought it back from a trip, saying the girl on the poster reminded him of me. I still see her now: she was from the ‘kids with large heads’ series, dark pony-tail, shoulders slumped, expression of sadness and defeat. She was holding a flower. Not speaking English, I don’t think my dad actually understood the caption, but the post had a large print that said Be nice to me, I’ve had a hard day.
Be nice to me, I’ve had a hard day.
That energy, a sad little girl asking someone to ‘be nice cos she has had a hard day’ – that’s got to be the quickest route to trauma bonding ever.
I looked at that poster for years and the message was hardwired into me: there has to be a reason for people to be nice to you, and that reason is that ‘things are not okay, that you are not okay’.
Fun fact: Even the least sensitive person will respond to that energy. And these are the two extremes:
- Enabling: through their own trauma bonding, co-dependence or people-pleasing patterns
- Rejection: through an instinctive sense of not wanting to be sucked in.
Why? Because the energy of ‘be nice to me because I’ve had a hard day’ is highly manipulative – even dark!
Deeann was completely blind to that. But Pierce was not.
Little girls (and boys) should learn this simple truth:
“Be nice to me because I’m me! And if you can’t be nice to me, leave me alone!”
When Pierce came into Deeann’s life, that certainly wasn’t something that she felt or radiated. In fact, it went right against the grain of what I knew.
The Manipulative Nature of Visibly Struggling
Many of us who weren’t taught to ask for help don’t realise that radiating our struggles can come across as manipulative. We’re not trying to be dark or controlling – we’re just asking for support in the only way we know: see me, see my hardship, give me your compassion.
And here was Pierce saying: “Not on my watch. I don’t care if that’s where you are, but I’m not hanging around for any of that. If you want to engage with me, do it from the truth of who you are, not from some warped perception of you – which, incidentally, also warps your perception of me. I’m an amazing guy and you’re not seeing me. And if you’re not seeing me, I’m not playing. Cos that’s a boundary!”
Deep breath.
Cos that was a biggie.
Just Ask
Once we began to understand that Pierce was coming from his boundaried self it became much easier to interact with him. Through those interactions, Deeann learned to – tentatively – ask for what she needed and, after that, for what she wanted. And slowly we began to understand that there’s a huge difference between being needy and having needs.
And that was just the beginning. With his help I’ve learned to understand that, because I had this habit of radiating my struggles – which resulted in inadvertent manipulation, instead of expressing my needs clearly – I came across as needy.
The Downside of Neediness
Presenting as needy has, in the past, attracted some very strong abusive players into my life. Knowing everything about getting their own needs met, they managed to simultaneously reject every one of mine, on the grounds that ‘I was just being needy’. And I let them lock me into that, because I didn’t know the difference.
Working with Pierce has helped me see that ‘having needs’ and ‘being needy’ are, in fact, two entirely different things: you can be the victim, the survivor of foul play, and still learn to simply ask for what you need.
Presenting as ‘needy’ ultimately doesn’t serve you: It attracts enablers and antagonists – and those are not typically in the relationship for your benefit.
I’m not saying the switch is easy – but you can do it.
Having a teacher like Pierce helps: whenever I fall into ’needy’ he stops me – because he won’t be manipulated.
Go ahead, give it a try: bring your own Pierce to life.
Deliberate Creation
My guides are a deliberate product of my imagination. I create them through my writing and their frequency is aligned with whatever I need to address. We converse together, characters in an imaginary novel that never ends.
These guides are tangible and real to me: I know what they look like, the sound of their voice – even their scent. They help me gain insights –especially into the dynamics of relationships, beliefs and manifesting.
Even the most antagonistic of characters in my imaginary novel is infinitely patient, letting me explore a topic until I see what previously eluded me. I control the pen, and we replay the scene – over and over – until I catch the message.
Of course, I don’t control the pen. Not really. As any writer will tell you, our characters do. That’s why we write: to find out what happens.
Writing this imaginary novel is without doubt one of my most powerful manifesting tools, because it lets me catch my thoughts from an infinite variety of different angles.
Sometimes a new character will present, and I will sit back and let it unfold. That’s what this series is about. His name is Pierce and he first appeared a few years ago, fairly antagonistically. He then retreated into the background from where he reemerged last year.
In the mini-series “How Needy are You?” I share some of the breakthrough insights Pierce brought me, on boundaries, manipulation and needs.
Mini Series: “How Needy are You?”
3. How Needy are You?
Chapter 3: Pierce and the Sliding Sense of Self
Dynamics are never straightforward, not in relationships – and not in manifesting. There is always an action that precedes even the very first action. Pierce dismissed Deeann before she was even aware of him (and why wouldn’t he?) – and just like that, a sliding sense of self began. Locked roles, fawning, resistance. And the maze continued to unfold…
2. How Needy are You?
Chapter 2: Pierce and the Fawn Response
I ended the last post by saying Pierce had no intention of wasting time on a fawning sycophant like Deeann. That’s quite the statement, given that Deeann represents my own sensory self, my heart-body. So, someone like Pierce would not waste any time on a fawning sycophant – like me? Wait, whut?
1. How Needy are You?
Chapter 1: Pierce Appears
A new character appeared in my imaginary novel – Pierce. Antagonistic, confident, and unapologetically himself. I typically use an energy like his so that I can learn to reinforce my boundaries. Since we can revisit the same situation over and over, I get a true feeling for the dynamic. I get to see what happens when I do ’this’ – and how he responds when I do ’that’.
Hi! I'm Dani and I'm here to help!
I'm your girl if:
- You’re on the fence about how to do something meaningful with your life or you feel held back by conflicting priorities
- You love understanding yourself and working on yourself, but you feel it’s probably time to graduate, implement it all and actually move forward
- You want to know what’s pulling you off-track whenever you make headway
- You want to know what’s keeping you from actual success when you know you’ve got what it takes to shine.
Here's how you can connect with me
Join our intimate FB group, meet your tribe (yep, you’re not alone!)
Hi! I'm Dani and I'm here to help!
I'm your girl if:
- You’re on the fence about how to do something meaningful with your life or you feel held back by conflicting priorities
- You love understanding yourself and working on yourself, but you feel it’s probably time to graduate, implement it all and actually move forward
- You want to know what’s pulling you off-track whenever you make headway
- You want to know what’s keeping you from actual success when you know you’ve got what it takes to shine.
Connect with me!
Join our intimate FB group
& meet your tribe
(yep, you’re not alone!)
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